Here’s a group pic we took of the cousins yesterday. Also, sorry for those that have this blog on the RSS that read yesterday’s post… please erase from your brains. <squiggly sounds>… you did not read that post… you did not read that post… I have edited the comment, and you can see the edits on the actual site:). Unfortunately, I can’t edit on the RSS. Anyway, pls forgive me!
Group pic of the boys:)
Greg and I had a little tiff a few nights ago. He was looking at his phone (again – iPhones rule our lives, it is kind of sad) – and I said, “what are you reading?”… and he said “I’m reading email!!!” in a frustrated sort of way because I might have kept asking him every time he looked at his phone. And I got mad because I thought he was being rude, and I said “I was just asking, <insert bad word here>“… 
I actually wrote it out, but someone that I will not name (wasn’t Greg) said I should perhaps censor it… so those with me on their RSS feeds, you got the unedited version. Sorry in advance!
It kind of came out… it’s like not very nice… And we have this rule that we don’t ever say things like this to each other. I was being facetious, but at the same time it’s still not nice. And then Greg left the room after I said that. He made me apologize, and he also apologized, and we made up. So, we go to bed… and we talk about it again. He says “It really bothers me when you cus at me. There are not a whole lot of things that bother me, but you bother me.”
There was 2 seconds of silence, and then I busted up laughing. I’m like REALLY? I BOTHER YOU? That’s because I’m your wife, and I guess that’s just how it is. For some reason, that line was hilarious to me, that a few days later I bring it up and still laugh about it:).
Then he said it came out wrong – he just meant that cussing bothered him. Which I admit – I can have a potty mouth when I am frustrated… but I have learned to curb that. It is a work in progress.
Like, when I stub my toe and practically break it off and William is there, I have learned to just go “ARGH!!!”… although in my head it’s really “!@#%#E$%$#%”… So, now when I say “ARGH!!” – Will imitates me and says “arrggh” in his little toddler voice.
Last week, I dropped something while driving and my filter was a second too late and I said “sh*”… and I hear in the backseat “Thit!!”… and I’m like “ehehe…eek.. um… William, sorry let’s sing twinkle twinkle right now” – trying to erase that moment out of his brain. :/ Luckily, that is the ONLY time he has repeated something like that. Hopefully, the last as I am consciously trying to eradicate cus words out of my brain. I never cus in front of him, but of course the one time I do, he repeats me.
So, that’s where we’re at. I have a little toddler parrot that repeats everything, and he is a total sponge. So, trying to be super careful!!
My brother helped me fix and update my settings here. Thank you Danny!!! This updated wordpress has changed my life. LOL. It’s so much easier to work with and navigate.
Anyway, so I’m 8 days post D&C and I finally stopped spotting today I think. Or I’m close to it. I have a follow up appointment on Friday.You know what’s so annoying though? So, I’m not one of those women who loses weight in the first trimester because I’m sick with nausea. But rather, I am one of those women that can eat, and I gain weight throughout the pregnancy. So, I gained weight in the first 8 weeks I was pregnant… and then I got my D&C and I guess my hormones are all out of whack (there was 1 day I felt sensitive after my D&C, and I knew it was my whacky hormones)… and for some reason, I am gaining even MORE WEIGHT? Talk about double whammy suckeroo.
Anyway, I read that after my hormones level after my first period, I should be losing weight again. Right now my body is still holding on because it still thinks I am pregnant. I read that if I took a pregnancy test right now, I would probably still get a positive because of the hCG hormones still in my body. So, that’s why I might be holding onto fat… fantastic.
So, we spent Sunday at Placerville and took some family pics… One word – COUNTRY! And then our children morph. LOL!! It was fun, I must admit!
I got my D&C done on Friday, and I’m relieved that part is over. At least I can move on and start healing now. Since my body had lost the baby 4 weeks prior and was not giving any signs of letting go on its own anytime soon, I’m really glad that I went with this procedure. Plus, I hear miscarriages are painful and traumatic, and I don’t think I could have gone through the waiting plus the pain of going through a natural miscarriage.
So, just to document my experience for my own sake as well as for anyone that might want to know… I’ll kind of start off with some interesting statistics. Miscarriages are pretty common in 15-20% pregnancies end in miscarriage. So, when we found that the baby’s heart was not beating at my 8 week appointment, although we were disappointed, I was not totally surprised. I just know so many people that have gone through it, so I just never really ruled it out for myself. Also, I have always felt that I would rather lose a pregnancy early rather than later – so I really hope this is it and no more!
On Friday, I went to the surgery center at 730am having not eaten or had anything to drink since 11pm the night prior. I was a little anxious because I had never been put under before. But I sat in my bed, separated by other patients with a curtain. There wasn’t much privacy. So, I could pretty much hear what other people were there for. There was a young child (I didn’t see them since there was a curtain) that had to be put under to have 4 crowns put in, and a possible crown on the front tooth. Made me think of William, and how I need to make sure he’s diligent in brushing his teeth. There was another child getting his tonsils taken out. And here was me – getting my uterus scraped. ANYHOO… so I finally got wheeled into the OR, and they asked me questions about what I was going to dress up for Halloween, and then they injected my IV with this cold stuff I knew was going to put me to sleep. It hurt and I got nervous… and I asked… “Is this supposed to hurt?” – only because I’m traumatized by anesthesia ever since my bad epidural reactions. So, they said to dream about my son and his costume, and I said in a slightly delirious panicky voice…”I can’t”… because I started getting scared. Next thing I know, I’m bundled up and the procedure is over. Wow, being knocked out is GREAT! I didn’t feel a thing. It made the whole thing less traumatic.
But recovery was ok the first day and I didn’t take any pain killers. I felt good. But the 2nd day, I bled quite a bit, and I started cramping quite a bit. I was prescribed both ibuprofen and norco (hydrocodone + tylenol)… and I ended up taking the norco and it made me feel funny in the head. I felt loopy, and I’m guessing this is what actors or prescription drug addicts like? It was weird! After that, I just took ibuprofen and today I think I’m on the road to recovery. So, that’s pretty much the gist of it.
Anyway, thought I would write a quick update on the D&C for those that might be wondering. Doing well so far. I’ll end with a pic of Greg and Will below taken yesterday just for fun:
Once upon a time, there was a sweet boy named William. Will had a ton of hair, and had to get it cut often.
One day, Will’s father came home with a brand new set of hair cutting shears and hair shaver. He said, “I’ve seen the hair places cut his hair. It doesn’t look hard. I’m going to try.”
Will’s mother helped set up the unsuspecting boy in front of the TV with Thomas the Train on… and they started their hair cutting experiment (pics taken with iphone):
Sadly, it wasn’t as easy as they thought it would be. Especially, Asian hair seems to be a little tough to cut. The fades didn’t go quite as planned… this was the finished product (look at the hair on his face – so sad):
William’s mom had a mini-freakout. William was going to the pumpkin patch the next day with his cousins and other kids, and there was NO WAY he was going out with hair like that. She had to do an emergency intervention… and they quickly went over to the children’s hair salon and made it in time before closing:
Please fix me!!!
Finished product… Thank goodness!
The kids at the pumpkin patch the next day… Will didn’t have to go with weird hair (sorry for quality. Was a cell phone pic that was sent to me since I couldn’t make it out there with them due to work):
So… Will’s daddy wants to try again, despite mommy’s reservations… but we shall see what happens! Another slide picture – but with Will’s short hair:) – The End!
So, the weekend went super fast and before I knew it, I was taking my 2nd blood test on Monday. I read through a lot of information on blighted ovums, wrong diagnosis, miscarriage, and d&cs. Anyway, there is way too much information out there, and it is not for those that don’t know how to take things with a grain of salt. Also, I realized where I get my researching bug from – MY MOM!!! We talked on Monday, and she asked me to send her the spelling of “blighted ovum” so that she could google it and find as much information as possible on it. The whole time I’m on the phone while she is talking about internet research, I kept saying “oh..my..goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..”… because I am totally my mom!!
Doctor called me on Monday saying that my blood results on Friday coincided exactly with how far along she measured me on that Friday, and that there was still hope and that maybe my dates were off. I told her on the phone that I was sure my dates were not off, and that I knew that there was something wrong. I told her that I got a positive pregnancy test a few days before my period, and the following week and week after that – my dates can’t be off. And she said “stranger things have happened – so don’t lose hope”… so, I said OK, but I knew this pregnancy was over. I was just really afraid that it would get dragged out, because I had read horror stories of women who’s baby consistently measured a couple weeks behind and they knew their dates were right, and they lost the pregnancy at about 12 or 14 weeks or something like that. So, I knew something wasn’t right here, and I kept hoping that my blood results for Monday would be definitive so I could move on sooner than later. Well, of course there was a delay on blood results, and after the call from my doctor telling me there was STILL HOPE, I was really anxious… I talked to brother about it, and he laughed at me and said I’m a “need for closure” type person, and the way I’m handling the entire situation points to it all. Well, I was on pins and needles since my morning blood test… my doctor told me to call her at 3pm if I still hadn’t heard my results. At 2pm, I was going stir crazy, so I called them up – and apparently the blood test should have been processed by 12pm but for some reason my results were delayed. I was DYIIIIIIIIIING… because I had to wait LONGER, and I was worried I wouldn’t get an answer that day. I just needed to know for sure.
This is just how my brain works, and how I approach things I guess. And I realize, I REALLY need definitive answers… once I get it, I can move on.
Anyway, so I got my answer finally at 430pm… my hormone levels were dropping, so I was going to miscarry… It’s sad, but I was relieved that I knew for sure. More ambiguity would probably have driven me crazy. I immediately told the doctor I wanted a D&C, since I had researched it over the weekend and it was the best scenario for me… She said she would try to fit me in on Friday, and I would find out the next day if she could get me in, or else I might have to wait until the following week (MORE WAITING)… of course the waiting to find out sucked again for me, but the next day someone called me to let me know that they were able to get me in. I will be 9 weeks when I get my D&C done this Friday. They are going to put me under (a first for me), so I’m a little nervous. I think this is the best scenario for me since I haven’t progressed since week 5, and my body is not giving any signs of miscarrying on its own.
So, that is where we are right now. D&C is schedule for this Friday, and I’ll document my experience. I hope it goes ok, and that we can move on. Greg and I absolutely love being parents, and we definitely want to try again soon. Luckily, we have had goodluck in conceiving, so I’m hoping next time it will be healthy and we can welcome another baby into our family. I’m not getting any younger, so I’m feeling a little more pressure… but everything will work out in the end. God has a plan for us, and I have faith it is a good one:)
So, I got a positive pregnancy test a month ago! So… I had joined babycenter and would read the birth group forums, and there were so many women that would go in for their first appointments and find there was no heartbeat, or start spotting and bleeding, etc… so I was cautiously optimistic. But then last week, I told myself… look 75% of pregnancies are successful and healthy, so why not feel positive?
So, when we went into my first appointment today at 8 weeks… turns out, the doctor found a sac – but nothing in it. She said that maybe I was earlier than I thought. But, I’m very regular with my periods and I know for sure I should be 8 weeks based on my period and the pregnancy tests I took. She said, if that is the case, it is pointing heavily to a blighted ovum.
Here is an excerpt from americanpregnancy.org explaining what a blighted ovum is:
A blighted ovum (also known as “anembryonic pregnancy”) happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant. A high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman’s body to naturally miscarry.
A blighted ovum is the cause of about 50% of first trimester miscarriages and is usually the result of chromosomal problems. A woman’s body recognizes abnormal chromosomes in a fetus and naturally does not try to continue the pregnancy because the fetus will not develop into a normal, healthy baby. This can be caused by abnormal cell division, or poor quality sperm or egg.
So, knowing that this baby had some major chromosomal abnormalities, this was the body’s natural way of clearing out the baby that wouldn’t have been able to survive outside the womb. Our bodies are seriously miracles… it’s so crazy how life is formed, but also how abnormalities are detected and we naturally rid ourselves of it as well.
I feel ok about this because I know how common this is… although later on in the day, I did feel a sense of loss, and bummed that this didn’t work out. If I do end up going in for a D&C, we will try again when my period goes back to normal. Hopefully, that one will be viable and healthy.
I took a blood test today, and will take another one on Monday to see if my pregnancy hormones are doubling as they should, or if they are dropping. My doctor said that we will make a more positive decision on Monday after those test results come back.
I told a lot of people already about the pregnancy. But, I actually don’t mind being open about there being problems as well. This is how life is… and things like this happen. We can’t control it, and if the baby was that abnormal, it just wasn’t meant to be. That’s my perspective anyway. And, obviously I’m pretty open about it since I’m blogging about it… just something to share since this is all an experience.
So, if I do get a D&C, I’ll probably write about it just to document the experience. We are doing well. This is just the status for now…
On a positive note – pictures!:) I posted these on FB, but thought I would post them here as well. William 20 months early this month (October)
Hope everyone is doing well:) xoxo
I’ve been watching our son blossom into this sweet unbelievably loving boy. He listens very well. I just have to say sternly… “eh eh eh… don’t do that” – and he’ll step back and stop whatever it is that he’s not supposed to do. He’s been like that since he was a baby, and it’s carrying on through toddlerhood. He is seriously such an easy kid to raise. I freakin’ love this kid. But with that, new worries start cropping up. I notice that when he’s with other toddlers (who tend to be older), he gets pushed around a lot. Sometimes he just plays by himself and I encourage him to play with other kids, and he would rather play alone. And then when he starts playing with them (like if there are like 50 trains there)… the kids want HIS trains, and they take it out of his hand… and he lets them. I know he doesn’t like it… but he let’s them.
Last week, he went up to a couple boys who were playing with trains (and him going up to kids is unusual now), and he started playing along side them. This kid that might have been like 3 years old PUSHES him aside and says “no”… and squeezes him out from the area they are playing in. Of course the parents aren’t around…
As a mother, that’s just heartbreaking to see… and I don’t really want to scold another person’s kid. I would totally not let Will get away with something like that. I’ve seen Will try to grab toys from other kids while they are playing with them, and I just say “eh eh eh… he had it first, let him play with it”… or if a kid comes up trying to play with Will and he wants to take all the toys with him, I ask him to share. So, he’s learned and he waits for a kid to finish with a toy and drop it and then he will go and get it… but of course that doesn’t happen the other way around. I’ve seen SEVERAL instances of where the kids just push Will around, and it seriously hurts me as a mother to see this… I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive/protective or what. I’m not going to teach him to push back, but looking to find a happy medium somewhere where he stands his ground because I have reactionary moments whenever I see that.
So, I was talking to my brother yesterday about how I’m feeling anxious that maybe he’s TOO GOOD of a kid. I just don’t want to see him being pushed around, and I’m also worried that he’s not as social as other kids and is pretty shy. So he sends me a couple links that I really found helpful… and he says, don’t worry about trying to get him to be extroverted. Being introverted is OK, and just nurture him (how the heck is my little brother smarter than me sometimes?)…
Pretty much, in our society being loud and bold is often seen as normal, but deep thinking and sensitive people might be seen as more lacking… I kind of paraphrased this article ( http://www.almightydad.com/behavior/being-shy-is-not-a-personality-flaw)… and I realized, it’s OK if Will is slower to warm up to others, and needs time to assess things. So, I’m not going to worry about his social-ness as much anymore. He is an extremely active kid when he is home, but when we are in public he tends to clam up. I know he’ll work it out somehow. He’s sweet and has a beautiful personality… and I’m learning that you should never label a child as shy, as they act more like that because you put that label on them. This article was also a great read:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/8-ways-help-shy-child
Then I read that children are basically born with this… and I’m thinking… he totally got the introverted gene from me. I remember when I was in elementary school, I was voted as “most shy”… I also remember that I could play fine with kids, but at the same time, it took a while to let people in. Heck… it’s the same now. I can talk to people fine, but I’m definitely reserved and do think a lot. Maybe because I am like that, I wanted him to learn to be more extroverted than I was? I’m not sure… so maybe this is more MY ISSUE. But no matter what, I will nurture him to the best of my abilities and hope to help him adapt and be successful in this life:).
So there is the issue of kids pushing him around though… I guess he’ll figure it out somehow. I think when he gets a little older, I’ll teach him to stand his ground more. If someone tries take something from him, firmly say “no”… (his favorite word right now). Whenever he says “no” right now, I’ve been giving him deference (within reason) so that he understands the power of that word when he really wants to hold onto something.
I’m also thinking I’ll start looking for a part time pre-school next year for him. I’ll probably only put him in 2x/day and half days… looking to maybe put him in a school that has a small number of students so that he can have more attention. I’m sure it will be good to expose him to more kids, and hopefully in a smaller classroom he can be socialized more.
Anyway… just some thoughts I was thinking of this week. I’ll end with a picture Greg took of Will when I was in Vegas for a business trip (missing my family!)… trying on daddy’s hat)
We had a family trip this week to Tahoe with my parents and Greg’s parents and we took the entire week off as vacation. It was nice! Then just Greg, me, and Will headed to SF for a quick daytrip to the California Academy of Sciences (it’s great for kids!). Will had a good time there. I was working a bit when I could get to my laptop, and work was pretty stressful this week and it was tough not to work. I got super angry at someone today and called him during my vacation time… and now I feel bad. I pretty much yelled at him… and I hate being like that. He did me wrong with work, but I acted like he killed someone… after I calmed down a bit, I realized maybe he didn’t deserve the full force of my Korean anger. Sigh… thing about my work is, I negotiate for a living and things that I book I’m kept accountable for, and it’s a very stressful job. But I guess when you look at the bigger picture, it’s really not like anyone died… now I’m thinking I should apologize… but then again he still sucks. So, what to do.
Anyway… I think all my posts are going to be regarding Will growing so fast… like every month. Haha! Have some recent pics with him… lots of pics!
At the California Academy of Sciences in the Rainforest area and it was full of free flying butterflies and birds. One landed on Will, and he didn’t love it – unfortunately didn’t get a picture of it before it flew off
Walking around amongst evil fluttering butterflies
I guess they’re kind pretty (nice pic Greg!)
aquarium area
OK you took your pics with us, so you can look at the fishies now:)
Large aquarium for large fishies
What do they feed these things??
Flat fish (flounders)… he had fun chasing these things around
He got to touch some star fish
and sea urchin (he is braver than mommy)
turtle!
Then we had a snack at the cafe and he really enjoyed the meringue cookies
Nom Nom~
Family pic!
Mommy, can you please style my hair?!
That’s it for now!
So, we tried our first month of potentially swaying. I drank lots of dairy products and technical wise pretty much gave ourselves less of a chance to get pregs by hoping the girl swimmers survived longer than the boys. So this month, no go on conception. I think I took for granted that it was easy last time, and was a bit disappointed this month. I mean there are stories of women who conceived their first easily, and their 2nd took forever… that could be us! Also, the whole planning thing makes things stressful for me and swaying is making things so technical. I wanted to try it to do a semi-experiment, and I realize we only tried for a month – but I’m impatient. That’s my weakness but I can’t help it… So, I’m over it!
Random thought- are guys built to be bad at grocery shopping? Just something I’ve noticed with my dad and Greg. hehe. Maybe I’m just anal about buying the freshest foods (I always compare expiration dates to make sure I get the freshest one)… I look at the vegetables and fruits I buy to make sure they are fresh etc. Whenever I send Greg on a grocery errand, he buys things on the list that are expired or going to expire the next day because he didn’t pay attention to the date, and produce that look like they’ve been sitting on the shelves for a while… Yesterday we went to Target and we split up to be more efficient with our shopping. Greg did good with the milk and got the freshest ones (yay hubby! finally drilled that part into him as he used to buy milk that was expired or on the verge) and he was in charge of buying the hair conditioner. I was unpacking the bags and I realized he had bought the shampoo… so now we have excess shampoo and no conditioner. A very typical grocery shopping day for us. Well, at least the milk was fresh!:D
I’ll end it with this blurry pic… here’s Will drinking watered down apple juice (apple thee!) at a restaurant. This is my phone wallpaper and makes me smile when I look at it. Having him makes me want more kids! I blame you Will!
So, starting this month, Greg and I have decided that we are not going to prevent pregnancy anymore. The question is, do we actually start “trying” to conceive though? The act of “trying” actually stresses me out a bit, and it could delay the process. Also, I’m wondering if I should at least attempt to sway for a girl. I did a lot of internet research, and there are some crazy methods out there that I won’t even go near. Like lime douches etc… I’m just too chicken to do anything that major. The timing and diet thing seem kind of doable, but there are so many different thoughts out there. So, here is what I’m going to start doing… so I’ll let you know if it works!
So, that’s what I retained with all that info that is out there. I’m only doing a fraction of the sway, but it’s fine… I’m ok with even swaying like a few percent higher. I can’t get myself to commit more than this. In the end, I would be happy with a healthy child (that really is the most important thing!)… and I wouldn’t mind Will having a little brother to play with. I would also love a girl… but it’s not essential either. So I dunno… we’ll see.
So I did try the above short list this month. I figured out when I ovulated by doing an ovulation predictor test. I typically have a 28-30 day cycle and I got a positive ovulation on cycle day 13. The ovulation predictor kit (OPK) detects your LH surge so once you get a positive you know you’re going to ovulate in about 12-36 hours.It gives you a smiley when it detects your LH surge…
I got my positive on cycle day 13, so I’m assuming I ovulated on cycle day 14-15. We actually did our last on day 12… so if any of them survived, we shall see if this is our month. I’m kind of nervous for some reason. And I know stress hinders things, but I can’t help it. Also, I didn’t really do it correctly in that it’s only really 2-3 days before my projected ovulation, but EH… again, I’m not anal about it. I’m kind of nervous that I won’t get pregnant at all actually “trying” since I know that stress really hinders things, at the same time I’m nervous to get pregnant too. WEIRD.
I hear that it takes longer to try this way, because you’re banking on the swimmers living in hostile conditions since I’m drinking more milk (and I haven’t given up coffee)… but we shall see! If this doesn’t work in the next couple months, I’ll just say… WHATEVER, and just not plan. Since I know of a few friends that might want to try to sway girl next time around… I’ll keep you posted on how this all goes. I’m not getting any younger (34!) so I don’t want to mess around too much either. We’re still open for a possible 3rd, so I need to not mess around too much. So, we can go on this journey together. We shall see:)
